Seth Messenger : Marcel Rufo's quotes

Marcel Rufo said :

(Automatic translation)
Marcel Rufo
(Quotes)
#40614
To be a teenager is to realize that we are worse than we have been led to believe and to think that, as a result, life may not be as great as we had imagined.

Marcel Rufo
(Source inconnue)


#40615
The first story is that of my first contact with a nine-month-old infant who is now a forty-year-old woman, still stuck in her autistic world. Funny start for a book that wants to be optimistic!

Marcel Rufo
(Hold on!)


#40616
I have come to believe, after all these years, that parents are of little use in the development of their children. I'm barely exaggerating! Let us say instead that children are masters of their destiny, with the support and participation of their parents. otherwise what would we see? Good parents would make good children and bad parents would have bad children. But it's impossible. And false, totally false. You can see it in large families. All children have the same parents, but they are all different. Because they have their character, their personality, and each one makes a different psychological representation of his parents. Parents are accountable for the child's progress, rather than producing this progress. The child depends first of all on himself, the parents adapt to him more than the other way around. In parenting roles, there is, in my view, more adaptability than education.

Marcel Rufo
(Source inconnue)


#40617
to love your child is to help them find the self-esteem they need to leave us as soon as they feel ready

Marcel Rufo
(Untie me! : Separate to grow)


#40618
The child is also a social being. His imagination will sometimes be confronted with family conflicts and the tragic stories of life.

Marcel Rufo
(Oedipus yourself! : Consultations of a child psychiatrist)


#40619
there is always a reserve of ESPERANCE

Marcel Rufo
(Hold on!)


#40620
A nine-year-old boy, intelligent, beaten by his father: The most beautiful vest in the world: I question him again to know the cause of this great misfortune there. He cries more beautifully, then manages to articulate: "It is because of the death of my grandfather; he was the most beautiful and kindest of grandfathers. "Emu by this declaration of love, I ask him what profession this extraordinary grandpa practiced: "He was the greatest tailor in the world!" "What was he doing as clothes?" "He made me the most beautiful vest in the world for a three-year-old boy. It was encrusted with gold and precious stones, it shone in the sun, and also in the night." Then he adds, extraordinarily pure reflection a child of his age: "You know, this vest I kept, and I will give it to my little boy when he is three years old", thus bridging the wonderful past, illuminated by an idealized grandfather, and a possible future. It's my turn to have tears in my black eyes to me. Listening to him, I realize that the aggressiveness, then the departure of the father, had been more than compensated by the special and reassuring presence of the grandfather. The death of the latter has led to dismay and also fear of missing his future. it was thus a double loss that the little boy with the beautiful dark eyes was confronted: that of his family, and that of his beloved grandfather. However, I was not worried about its future: when we camp in the past in such a rich and poetic way, we can safely say that we will have, that we already have a future.

Marcel Rufo
(Oedipus yourself! : Consultations of a child psychiatrist)


#40621
That's the whole point: having empathy when you meet someone, rather than clinical or diagnostic rigor.

Marcel Rufo
(Hold on!)


#40622
His parents later told me that after his death they found a lot of little words in which he criticized all my interpretations: "This psychiatrist told me again that I had an edipal problem, he better look at his ...

Marcel Rufo
(Oedipus yourself! : Consultations of a child psychiatrist)


#40635
When the father is absent or non-existent, the child is thus deprived of a part of himself, his history and therefore of his foundations, and he will never cease to find fatherly figures of substitution to fill this gap that threatens to engulf him and to succeed in building himself. But when the father is present, he never lives up to the expectations and expectations that the child had placed in him. His destiny is to disappoint and accept to be an object of disappointment. However, the child never forgets that he was previously the object of his admiration [...].

Marcel Rufo
(Everyone is looking for a father)


#40636
Parents have no choice: they have to live well with their child jealous children and convince themselves, amid the cries and tears, that jealousy is part of their normal development. It offers an extraordinary opportunity to surpass itself, progress and build. Denying it is the safest way to strengthen it, sometimes to the point of turning it into a pathology leading to sleep disorders or character disorders. Repressed or repressed jealousies fill the offices of psychiatrists and psychologists. For the jealous child is convinced that if the parents cannot bear his jealousy, it is because they prefer "the other".

Marcel Rufo
(Brothers and sisters, a disease of love)


#40637
To calm things down, I advise parents to separate the two children by having them stay alternately with their grandparents. This technique is always useful when family relationships are strained because grandparents often provide high quality individual support. To prevent the child staying at home from feeling abandoned, parents are invited to take turns staying, allowing for a one-on-one meeting with the isolated little girl.

Marcel Rufo
(Brothers and sisters, a disease of love)


#40638
I recognize that being parents of teenagers requires a great capacity for self-denial. Indeed, parents are often the first victims of tensions between brothers and sisters. This is why their arbitration in the conflicts that arise within the siblings is crucial. It is fundamental to prioritize dialogue and to rule out authoritarianism. I always recommend that those who come to me be careful, taking a stand, not to suggest that they systematically support the youngest. I also advise them to control their words, to banish the little murderous phrases that are often guilt-ridden, aggravating feelings of frustration and inflaming resentments between the protagonists. Playing on the register of shame is a dangerous game. Parents have no choice but to be patient to listen to each other's story and recognize each other's wrongs. The ideal is to solicit the ability of the children to find a solution themselves that, as far as possible, will satisfy everyone.

Marcel Rufo
(Brothers and sisters, a disease of love)


#40639
Laurent Pardo said: "If it hadn't been for the third half, I don't know if I would have wanted to play the first two..."

Marcel Rufo
(Rugby smugglers)


#40640
Returning from school, I saw a man, dressed in a marcel and a blue of China, with a cap on his head. I did not cross, merely sending him, from afar, a sign of the hand to which he answered. The friend who accompanied me that day, son of a naval officer, then exclaimed, surprised: "You have funny encounters! "He's my father," I said. "My father is a quiet and quiet man. He never raises his voice and needs few words to be heard, but I never dispute what he says. I obey him for the good reason that he is my father and that I respect him. "Between us, there is no need for demonstrative outpourings; a respectful distance is enough to recognize each other, each in its place. »

Marcel Rufo
(Everyone is looking for a father)


#40643
our society is a champion of tolerance. Each is asked to accept and respect the other, as it is, with its differences. Black, white, Maghreb, small, fat, gay or heterosexual, physically or mentally handicapped, all equal, all similar, all with the same rights... No discrimination is more tolerated and it is to be welcomed. Why should the mentally ill be the only ones still ostracized? Why add disarray, misunderstanding, worry, shame, isolation, loneliness to already painful situations?

Marcel Rufo
(Life in a mess: A journey in adolescence)


#40644
Crying is a fantastic means of child-parent communication. From birth, they say everything the baby feels and can't express otherwise: he's hungry, he's thirsty, he's hot, he's in pain, he thinks he's abandoned.

Marcel Rufo
(Why is baby crying?)


#40645
Marcel: The second line is the giants! Christophe: Pillars? Marcel: The ogres! Christophe: The hooker? Marcel: The hooker is the very image of the martyr! Christophe: Absolutely. arms crossed with his hands nailed to the shoulders of his pillars... What about three-quarters? Marcel: That's how you gallop when you're a kid.

Marcel Rufo
(Rugby smugglers)


#40646
Christophe: From Peter Pan (Jean Gachassin) to the Dark Destroyer (Thierry Dusautoir), through the Mongol (Michel Crauste), not to mention Golden Helmet (Jean-Pierre Rives) and so many others, these heroes have a name that also seems to come out of the great book of our childhood. Marcel: As if by magic... And when I went to the stadium with my father to see them play, I became a hero myself!

Marcel Rufo
(Rugby smugglers)


#40647
When they take the risk of having multiple children, parents think that they will be able to love them all in the same way and that they, because they have the same genetic heritage, will be the same. They are still firmly convinced that their children, born in love, will get along perfectly. I am sorry to tell them that this is a mistake.

Marcel Rufo
(Brothers and sisters, a disease of love)


#40648
The son, for his part, will more willingly attack in his father the defects that are his own, which is more comfortable than attacking himself. In this period of doubt and vulnerability that is adolscence, self-criticism is too complex and too risky; it is better to doubt the other who raised us and who did not make us as we dreamed of being.

Marcel Rufo
(Source inconnue)


#40649
It seems to me that psychosomatics is an expression of an organic potential that one would not express if one were not anxious. In a family, one can be biologically endowed with asthma; however some will become asthmatic, others will not. What counts is the expression of the disease on an already favourable organic ground. It is wrong to think that psyche alone is enough to create a disease when there is no ground.

Marcel Rufo
(Oedipus yourself! : Consultations of a child psychiatrist)


#40650
Teenagers want to be able to "manage" their death, but they have no desire for the disease to manage it for them! Like others her age, Laetitia wanted to be able to die or play to death without death. The disappearance of his girlfriend plunges her back into the past, into her deadly illness, forbidding him to u p d a t e his life. It's a bit like what happens in couples: when the spouse dies, the other feels it as the announcement of his own death.

Marcel Rufo
(Oedipus yourself! : Consultations of a child psychiatrist)


#40651
I knew a little girl who had nightmares and called her dad every night. Every night, however, it was her mother who got up and came to reassure her. But the little girl invariably asked the same question: And Dad, is he sleeping? Knowing that her father was asleep was enough to reassure her. And then one night, his father finally answered his call: Don't worry, I'm here, everything is fine. So can you ask Mom to come?

Marcel Rufo
(Everyone is looking for a father)


#40652
[...] for the teenager who no longer recognizes himself, overwhelmed by feelings, sensations, desires and thoughts unknown to himself, he wonders if everything he feels is "normal" [...].

Marcel Rufo
(Everyone is looking for a father)


#40653
These stories are not sad, it is quite the opposite. These long therapeutic follow-ups have totally transformed me and have no doubt refined my optimistic positions.

Marcel Rufo
(Hold on!)


#40655
Infants are gifted with languages at an early age; they talk with their bodies. What could be more explicit when somatizing? Everything goes: the digestive, motor skills, breathing... The symptom gradually helps to free itself from the collection of signs leading to the syndrome for a diagnosis. We must not stop at somatization to understand its meaning.

Marcel Rufo
(Oedipus yourself! : Consultations of a child psychiatrist)


#40656
I knew a little girl who had nightmares and called her dad every night. Every night, however, it was her mother who got up and came to reassure her. But the little girl invariably asked the same question: And Dad, is he sleeping? Knowing that her father was asleep was enough to reassure her. And then one night, his father finally answered his call: Don't worry, I'm here, everything is fine. So can you ask Mom to come?

Marcel Rufo
(Source inconnue)


#40657
[...] for the teenager who no longer recognizes himself, overwhelmed by feelings, sensations, desires and thoughts unknown to himself, he wonders if everything he feels is "normal" [...].

Marcel Rufo
(Source inconnue)


#40658
I knew a little girl who had nightmares and called her dad every night. Every night, however, it was her mother who got up and came to reassure her. But the little girl invariably asked the same question: And Dad, is he sleeping? Knowing that her father was asleep was enough to reassure her. And then one night, his father finally answered his call: Don't worry, I'm here, everything is fine. So can you ask Mom to come?

Marcel Rufo
(Everyone is looking for a father)


#40659
The son, for his part, will more willingly attack in his father the defects that are his own, which is more comfortable than attacking himself. In this period of doubt and vulnerability that is adolescence, self-criticism is too complex and too risky; it is better to doubt the other who raised us and who did not make us as we dreamed of being.

Marcel Rufo
(Everyone is looking for a father)


#40660
The children we met in the 1960s to 1980s (approximately the Glorious Thirty) do not resemble those who currently populate our consultations. The stakes are not quite the same; educational paradigms are no longer those of yesteryear. For if, before the 1970s, the purpose of an education was to "be well-behaved", today is to "be happy". But what is being happy?

Marcel Rufo
(Who's in charge here?)


#40661
The disappearance of his girlfriend plunges her back into the past, into her deadly illness, forbidding him to u p d a t e his life.

Marcel Rufo
(Oedipus yourself! : Consultations of a child psychiatrist)


#40662
Teenagers want to be able to "manage" their death, but they have no desire for the disease to manage it for them! Like others her age, Laetitia wanted to be able to die or play to death without death. The disappearance of his girlfriend plunges her back into the past, into her deadly illness, forbidding him to u p d a t e his life. It's a bit like what happens in couples: when the spouse dies, the other feels it as the announcement of his own death.

Marcel Rufo
(Oedipus yourself! : Consultations of a child psychiatrist)


#40663
As soon as I left my studies, I rushed to the hardest, the most serious, before realizing that what interested me was the daily life, the accessory, the fleeting, everything that is difficult to perceive, everything that is not expressed by howls, everything that does not lock itself in, all that does not become excessively medicalized but that speaks.

Marcel Rufo
(Oedipus yourself! : Consultations of a child psychiatrist)


#40664
So let's imagine it's a love story. Punishment is one of them: it is never a long, quiet river, even if the reserve of hope usually allows it not to sink into it. In any case, the shrink, like the sage according to Spinoza, should not be sad. It would be a contraindication to practice this difficult and exciting profession!

Marcel Rufo
(Dictionary in love with childhood and adolescence)


#40665
If our memories belong to our most intimate history, they are at the same time part of the universal stages of child development which they recall how we have passed them. As such, they should facilitate your resonating with the situations experienced by children and adolescents present in these pages, as with the concepts or methods of child psychiatry, psychoanalytics, psychological mobilized to enlighten them.

Marcel Rufo
(Dictionary in love with childhood and adolescence)


#40666
We can no longer ignore that childhood is the very material that adults are woven into, in which it still speaks in the present when they believe they have left it in the past.

Marcel Rufo
(Dictionary in love with childhood and adolescence)


#40667
The features of childhood seemed devoid of any intrinsic value: they could only be lacking or regrettable defects of youth! It is not by chance or lack of mastery that, in the paintings of renaissance masters or classicism, babies have adult traits!

Marcel Rufo
(Dictionary in love with childhood and adolescence)


#40668
Today, many adults believe they can simply tell their children the truth to make it all right. But explanations, even justifications, cannot solve everything. Speech is not magic, because behind every word there is a meaning that varies according to the stage of the child's development.

Marcel Rufo
(Brothers and sisters, a disease of love)


#40669
It is when they see their parents read that children like to read. (2 1/2 years)

Marcel Rufo
(Raising your child: 0-6 years old)


#40670
Children are always trying to express their fears, but their ability to express themselves does not always allow them to be well understood. However, it is essential that they manage to be intelligible and that they find an attentive ear to listen to them. Feeling loved is still the safest way to stop being afraid. (2 years)

Marcel Rufo
(Raising your child: 0-6 years old)


#40671
THE TIME OF THE MATERNELLE It is not worrying that in kindergarten a child learns less quickly than another. Above all, it is important that he is part of a group and enjoys being separated from his parents. Between the age of 3 and 6, he considers his dad to be the strongest and his mother the most beautiful. This "honeymoon" will last about three years and will end at the entrance to elementary school, during which the desire to learn will outweigh the desire to love. However, during this period, he will be able to find in his teachers an identifying image on which to rely and which will loosen him a little bit of the Oedipal relationship. It is by leaving one's family that one sets out to conquer the world, and the encounter with the other in its differences enriches us.

Marcel Rufo
(You'll do better than me: Fears and desires for school)


#40672
without asserting that the influence of siblings is negative for the construction of the individual, in the life of each, what counts is oneself. You don't build yourself with your brothers and sisters, but thanks, against or without them. Many parents are deluding themselves: 'Our children will all grow up together in the same family dynamic;' This idea is based on a mistake, because the family is not a social microgroup whose genetic affiliation would organize the psychic functioning.

Marcel Rufo
(Brothers and sisters, a disease of love)


#40673
Pathological theft is quite common in adopted children. These are often regressive behaviours. Theft is a challenge to parents, a provocation that requires them to show that their love is so great and unconditional that they are able to keep all their affection for their child, even if he commits wrongdoing.

Marcel Rufo
(Brothers and sisters, a disease of love)


#40674
Having a mother who holds on and a pompous and smug father can definitely trap a psychotherapist.

Marcel Rufo
(Hold on!)


#40675
There is always a risk of blaming the one who does not allow himself to be cured.

Marcel Rufo
(Hold on!)


#40676
All our lives, we will learn to navigate between these two vital necessities: to bind and separate, to attach and detach, to leave and return, to leave and to find... [...] Can we easily separate? No, at most we learn to put in place defensive strategies to suffer as little as possible from the separation that is always difficult. That is why there is no point in ordering a child: "Be autonomous!" regardless of his abilities. The job of the parents is to identify the slightest attempt at autonomy of their minots, not to get ahead of it. [...] Opposition, protest, provocation, rebellion are not proofs of dislove, but signs of evolution and maturation, a way for the child to ask: - Untie me!

Marcel Rufo
(Untie me! : Separate to grow)


#40677
Contemporary art has found its favourite themes here. More generally, these inclinations, which were sought to divert children and which were once relegated, at best, into the private sphere, are now at the heart of the major public policy issues: the establishment of an education system and a labour market are called for, which give everyone the opportunity to fully realize all its potential (including the most singular); we want an ever more personalized health offer; everyone aspires to a society where they can promote and recognize all their "differences"; ecological concern, such as animal protection, is asserted in proportion to our sense of belonging to the natural and animal world.

Marcel Rufo
(Dictionary in love with childhood and adolescence)


#40678
"The importance of childhood memories in the lives of authors stems ultimately from the assumption that literary work, like the daytime dream, is a continuation and substitution of the childish games of yesteryear." SIGMUND FREUD

Marcel Rufo
(Dictionary in love with childhood and adolescence)


#40679
Cinderella is a perfect child, both in the execution of the tasks entrusted to her and in the worship of her missing mother, not to mention her total submission to her mother-in-law and half-sisters. Yet no one around her seems to notice. This feeling of not being judged at its true value is felt by any child faced with fraternal rivalry: he feels that his merit is never recognized.

Marcel Rufo
(Brothers and sisters, a disease of love)


#40680
I have always thought that early sex is a sign of fragility, not self-assertion.

Marcel Rufo
(You'll do better than me: Fears and desires for school)


#40681
At this age, too, he acquires the notion of time - and, with it, the enduring memory of what he lives, the stories he is told, the journeys he can mentally iron. It is through temporality that he appropriates his thought. He also becomes aware of death and our finitude, which makes him very sensitive, around 6-7 years, to the aging of his parents. Fear of the disease makes him reject tobacco, for example.

Marcel Rufo
(You'll do better than me: Fears and desires for school)


#40682
We must also avoid considering this child as very competent, this will keep him out of the group. Be careful not to single out particularly intelligent schoolchildren, because what matters at this age is more adaptation than performance.

Marcel Rufo
(You'll do better than me: Fears and desires for school)


#40683
At the risk of shocking, I would say that, for the child, at first, love is a kind of forcing. Parents feel that they have to love their children, which is quite new. For years, even centuries, many children were not as (over)invested, as sacred as they are today. To be quite honest, I think parents love the imaginary child they project on the real child; in turn, children love their parents, but they are often imaginary parents, better than they actually are. Love is a mirror, an abyss, the meeting of two imaginary, two illusions. We will see it in adolescence when the children will constantly demolish the ideal parental images that helped them grow up and adjust to the real parents, not necessarily bad but much less good than they had believed. In the background, the child trains to love, the parents serving as a draft for love. Between them, in fact, love will continue to evolve, in order to make way for other objects of investment.

Marcel Rufo
(Everything you should never know about your children's sexuality)


#40684
It all starts with the famous caa boudin to which no one escapes, around 2, 3 years old, the age of the phase, and which comes to express the pride felt to be able to control himself and the aggressiveness that attaches to it. To say "caca pudding" is to translate into word the function of excretion, to symbolically bring out what was within oneself, and to experience, by pronouncing it, a pleasure similar to that which provides the excretion itself. Very soon, the "caca boudin" will give way to raw insults, which the children repeat without understanding its meaning. It is not up to the parents to explain to them what it means to be "fucked" or "slut". On the other hand, this kind of insult should not be directed directly at them, as it induces a lack of respect. As long as the child is small, the dirty word may seem amusing to some parents; this is quite different in adolescence, where these abuses of language are sometimes the preforms of physical violence against parents. Bad words are tolerable only between peers.

Marcel Rufo
(Everything you should never know about your children's sexuality)


#40685
The dream of being an only child It is probably between 7 and 14 years that the distance is the greatest between brother and sister, each evolving in his own world. The character of one is at odds with that of the other. The boy leads a very physical life made up of power relations in search of athletic performance. On the other hand, the girl can spend hours chatting with her friends and telling them secrets. The annoyance is mutual. At home, everyone isolates themselves in their room and behaves like an only child. Older boys are totally indifferent to their younger children. They really have to be at risk for them to come forward, especially in cases of aggression by other children. The older sister, for her part, is increasingly authoritarian with her "baby" as a little brother. There is, of course, no question that she will take over the surveillance for even a few minutes.

Marcel Rufo
(Brothers and sisters, a disease of love)


#40686
Parents often believe that the most gifted child can pull the other up, help him succeed, but I have hardly ever seen him in my practice. It is very rare to see a good math student go to the trouble of giving his brother the secret of his success; he would be too afraid that one day the latter would be able to put him in trouble. It's the same in sports.

Marcel Rufo
(Brothers and sisters, a disease of love)


#40687
Today, many adults believe they can simply tell their children the truth to make it all right. But explanations, even justifications, cannot solve everything. Speech is not magic, because behind every word there is a meaning that varies according to the stage of the child's development. In reality, the reasoning must be reversed: it is up to parents to know where their children stand in their development to understand the feelings that upset them.

Marcel Rufo
(Brothers and sisters, a disease of love)


#40688
Being a parent is first of all adapting to the child that we did not envisage.

Marcel Rufo
(Brothers and sisters, a disease of love)


Want to know more about Marcel Rufo ? Then you should probably take a look over here..
The content of this page was last u p d a t ed on Saturday January 7, 2023.
It was then 16:51:54 (Paris time, France, planet Earth - Known Universe).
mandarin : 你的预感 | french : Mon Ange | english : My angel | mandarin : 拉兰德 | spanish : Una corazonada de ti | german : Neuigkeiten hinter der Scheibe. | english : To the wrath of the righteous | french : Une intuition de toi | french : Qui est Seth Messenger ? | mandarin : 正义的愤怒 | english : You would like to read more? | french : Mon nom est Pierre | french : Patience | english : A hunch of you | english : The Wait | german : Wer ist Seth Messenger? | german : Mein Engel | english : New beginning | german : Die Lande | spanish : Mi nombre es Peter | german : Auf die Wut des Gerechten | spanish : La Lande | french : Aux colères du juste | spanish : ¿Quién es Seth Messenger? | english : My name is Pierre | mandarin : 来自玻璃后面的消息 | spanish : Va a pasar cerca de ti. | french : Ca arrivera près de chez vous | spanish : Nuevo comienzo | german : Neuer Anfang | english : Who is Seth Messenger? | mandarin : 耐心 | english : The Moor | german : Geduld | spanish : Paciencia | english : It's going to happen near you | mandarin : 我的天使 | french : La Lande | spanish : A la ira de los justos | mandarin : 我叫彼得 | spanish : Noticias desde detrás del cristal | english : News from behind the glass | mandarin : 你想多读些吗? | german : Mein Name ist Pierre. | german : Möchten Sie mehr lesen? | french : Nouveau départ | spanish : Mi ángel | french : Vous aimeriez en lire d'avantage ? | german : Es wird in Ihrer Nähe passieren. | mandarin : 赛斯信使是谁? | french : Des nouvelles de derrière la vitre | spanish : ¿Le gustaría leer más? | german : Eine Ahnung von dir | mandarin : 它会发生在你附近。 | mandarin : 新开始 |
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