Françoise Dolto's quotes (sethmessenger.fr - Some short news to get away from it all).

#39972
Every human group takes its wealth in communication, mutual aid and solidarity aimed at a common goal: the development of each one with respect for differences.

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#39973
It takes a very high maturity to be able to be a parent, because it means being aware that this is not a situation of power, but a situation of duty, and that one has no right to wait in return.

Françoise Dolto
(The cause of children)

#39974
The child always has the intuition of his story. If the truth is told to him, this truth builds it

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#39975
Psychoanalysis is about helping people become who they are.

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#39976
When born, a child turns two adults into parents. It can be said that it is the child who makes the parents.

Françoise Dolto
(Teen Lyrics: Where the Lobster Complex)

#39977
There are families where everything related to sexuality is considered dirty or forbidden. We no longer know if we are a child of love or a child of the FAUTE.

Françoise Dolto
(Teen Lyrics: Where the Lobster Complex)

#39978
the importance of desire, of pleasure... The satisfaction of the need for the desired work... Without it, you die... Because you feel it's made for it. For this work that has been a revelation since his childhood... Which then becomes a radiance of joy... Tell a child, very early on what he suffers, so that he compensates in order to become stronger ... There is always a possibility of joy when there is communication... To be the object of the other... The others who say true, not those who pretend...

Françoise Dolto
(It's all language)

#39979
(...), beauty and ugliness in the absolute do not exist. We can suffer a lot by discovering inner ugliness in someone whose physical beauty had seduced us. It was mistaken on him to believe that he was as beautiful on the inside as he was on the outside. Conversely, you only have to fall in love with someone you thought you thought was ugly to realize that as soon as you love, it doesn't mean anything anymore.

Françoise Dolto
(Teen Lyrics: Where the Lobster Complex)

#39980
But we traumatize by silence, we traumatize by the unspoken much more than by the said. Between the unspoken and the said, even of a grave thing, it is better to say the grave thing. And the thing that may be going to hurt the child a lot, it must be said.

Françoise Dolto
(The difficulty of living)

#39981
Jealousy is not a proof of love but of immaturity.

Françoise Dolto
(Teen Lyrics: Where the Lobster Complex)

#39982
A human child is the fruit of three desires: it takes at least the conscious desire for a complete sexual act of the father, it requires at least an unconscious desire of the mother, but what is forgotten is that one also needs the unconscious desire to survive for this embryo in which a human life originates.

Françoise Dolto
(Female Libido)

#39983
My guardian angel? When I fell asleep, I took only half the bed to make room for my guardian angel, to sleep next to me, and I summarized all day, which had always been catastrophic, because I was saying a lot of nonsense, but precisely I did not know how I made them, or why I made them , so I was very, very annoyed, because I was always punished and I didn't know what.

Françoise Dolto
(Childhoods)

#39984
Sometimes it is the things hidden in our history that are the most painful and guilt-ridden, they prevent us from moving forward, from developing. This past that clutters us is what we call neurosis. Neurosis is not a disease but a suffering, which can be transmitted from generation to generation until we understand what it is. A small hidden, shameful event in someone's life can also ruin the lives of their descendants.

Françoise Dolto
(Teen Lyrics: Where the Lobster Complex)

#39985
The human being who creates his loneliness needs to be told: Yes I love you unhappy.

Françoise Dolto
(Loneliness)

#39986
It's the baby that creates the mom.

Françoise Dolto
(When the child appears to be)

#39987
If we had never been separated in time and space from those with whom we have experienced the pleasure of being together, we would not know what it is to love. Loving is this movement from the heart to the image of the absent to relieve in itself the suffering of his absence. (read in Outre-mère, by Cyrielle Gau)

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#39988
"You ask me for advice; I give it to you, but above all I am only if you wish, because this council has value only in spoken exchange; it is the reaction of someone from another generation to what questions you. You needed to talk about your questioning, and I need to answer you, but don't take what I tell you as a truth, it's just an opinion. Since humans need communication, I tell you what your questions have aroused reflection in me, but above all, do not follow this advice; asks many other people and, through this, you will develop the answer to your questioning on your own." The important thing is that this is said since the child is very small: not to imitate and never submit to the other even if he is an adult, but to find his own answer to what questions him.

Françoise Dolto
(The cause of children)

#39989
[...] love and sexuality are absolutely inseparable for the child we want to teach. And the child being a procreation, it becomes a work of a couple only if there has been an education. And this education is not the language of mimics, it is the language of the values of things that is given by all the behavior and verbal language that are the right words.

Françoise Dolto
(Just talking to the kids)

#39990
Everything is played before six years... or before four years?

Françoise Dolto
(The cause of children)

#39991
The human being is not an object to conform to the desire of others.

Françoise Dolto
(School failure)

#39992
Talking about what the child is doing, it's not psychotherapy, it's saying all you're doing, it's to tell me something, and I'm trying to figure out what you want to tell me. It's not what she does in appearance that's important, it's what she tells you about her behavior.

Françoise Dolto
(It's all language)

#39993
Is felt father, by the small child, the man who makes mom happier. Not every sire is a father. It is the man who gives mom more security when he is present than when he is not there. It is the one she worries about if he is absent more than another familiar third person he sees around her.

Françoise Dolto
(Loneliness)

#39994
I still want to illustrate the satisfying need but not always desire. For example, a child does not need candy. He asks for a candy for the pleasure that he is taken care of, to be talked to, to be shown that he is loved. It's very interesting to see that if you say to the child, "Well, yes, how would the candy be? Would it be red?" We talk, we start talking for half an hour, we talk about the taste of the candy, according to its red color, or green candy; you can even draw candy. The child forgets that it is a candy he wanted to eat. But what a good conversation about candy! What a good time we had. That's right: he comes to ask you something; he wants to have something, he wants to talk about it, and look how interesting it is to walk in front of a shop window with a child. What a cultural bath for them to talk to the children and play to give themselves in imagination gifts, and also what proof of love. The kid says, "Ah, I wish I had that truck." The mother replies "Ah, no, it's not possible, I don't have any money." Quick, quick, let's not look. She doesn't want him to be tempted, whereas that's what it's like to live, it's to put words on what we're trying to do and talk about it. "That truck, do you think it's good?" Oh, yes. - What's good? - He has red wheels. - Yes, that's good, but the red wheels, it may not roll too. It's not an image, it's a truck, it has to work. We're going to go into the store, you're going to touch it, we're going to look at it today, I don't have any money to pay for it. - Yes, it is. - I don't have it, it's like that, if you prefer we don't come in to see it up close and touch it. Yes, if... When the child sees that the mother is decided: "but, we'll talk about it, etc.", he calms down. What he needs is to communicate in the desire of the truck, in hope and the mother values his desire. It is always necessary to justify the desire of a child, always, always, always. "It's not possible to achieve, but you're absolutely right to want it." Since the world is world, there are idiots who want the moon, but if there had not been idiots who wanted to go to the moon, we would never have gone.

Françoise Dolto
(It's all language)

#40010
The word "puberty" comes from the Latin "pubes" which means hair and indeed the appearance of hair on the pubis, under the arms - and on the cheeks for boys - is one of the signs of puberty.

Françoise Dolto
(Teen Lyrics: Where the Lobster Complex)

#40011
In each child, it is too much unknown, born and develops the intuitive project of being considered a (great) person. He therefore expects to have the behaviour and respect that one has towards an adult. He's right.

Françoise Dolto
(The cause of children)

#40012
A mother must always speak to her child, for the word remains when the one who spoke it has disappeared.

Françoise Dolto
(The major stages of childhood)

#40013
I want to live like a crystal, I will break it, maybe.

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#40014
That one never pretends, with an elder, that it is "for him" (or her) that the parents bring another one into the world. How many children are so savagely made responsible for an unwanted brother or sister they supposedly claimed, when they needed a playmate their age.

Françoise Dolto
(The major stages of childhood)

#40015
DON'T the fact that being a father or mother gives a voice to the citizen who is responsible for future adults. It is quite inhumane to think that those who have given birth have only one voice, like the old man, like the bachelor for life, while they represent the rising humanity. I propose among other things: In a family of four children (two boys and two girls), the father should have three voices, and the mother three votes, the voice of the daughters to the mother, the voice of the boys to the father, until they are 12 years old. And then at 12, the kids would vote. We'd let them become responsible for their own voice. This would be advisory between the age of 12 and 18 (since the majority is, alas, only at 18 years of age). But at least, in front of the adult executive vote, we would have the advisory vote of 12 to 18-year-olds, which would give an image of the country in the making, and above all give the means to the elected representatives, to do something for the future of the country. While we never talk about the current country and the country's past. We do things for the old people, we do things for adults. But for the kids, almost nothing. Even at school, they are given what they don't ask for since half of them don't attend school... which proves that they are given something that does not suit them and that it came from the lack of care of the rising population in the so-called universal election. It is not universal at all since children have no voice through their parents, and then to express for themselves. She is stupid or perverse this democracy that does not want to count with children. I tried to tell a member of Parliament, who was family-friendly, that I thought we should do everything we could to support young people to take an interest in their present and future. No to political politics but yes to the politics of life that rises in a country. He said, "But it's totally unthinkable, it would completely change the electoral map." - "So much better! Parents who have children who are the future of the country would have as many voices as children, instead of giving as many voices to people who only defend their personal existential security and not the future."

Françoise Dolto
(The cause of children)

#40019
The house allegorically represents the safety of the child, both in his body and in the possibilities of this body's relationship with the world, in the broadest sense of the word.

Françoise Dolto
(School failure)

#40020
The fear of dying is ultimately the fear of living.

Françoise Dolto
(The cause of children)

#40021
For a child everything is meaning language, what happens around him and that he observes. And he's thinking about it. And a child thinks and listens all the better because he does not look at the person who speaks. Again, this is very important: when a teacher wants the children to look at them, they lose 50% of the children's attention. For us adults, it's the opposite: we like to look at the person who speaks. The child if he has his hands busy with something else, whether he flips through a book, a magazine, or comics, or plays something, that's when he listens, but fantastically everything that happens around him, he listens "in truth" and memorizes... Children must not look at the master, but above all you have to listen to them sound all the time. Children who don't noise, who don't play something, don't listen.

Françoise Dolto
(It's all language)

#40022
These words of grace of the human phenomenon that we are also for ourselves, we all know from our childhood, when loneliness is not felt by us as the bitter rejection of our desire by that of others but because, we tired of having exercised ourselves to our best expression given, in the day, in a work, or in encounters with others at the limits of our desire and our power , we sink, with delights in restful sleep. For man after the games of desire must return to his body in a breathless solitude of his being in the world, to the rhythm of his breath, in the oblivion of thoughts, and gestures, of his feelings, of himself and of his loved ones as of his enemies in the dive to his resumed anonymity. He resorts to it in his sleep in forces that, on the fringes of his unconsciousness, revive the archaic faith into a living that ignores itself individual creature, in the rhythmic eclipse of his "me" who always desires, the confident at rest that makes him ignore him until his awakening. There, sometimes surprised at the strangeness that dreams visited him, leading his thoughts in paths that his watch ignores, he finds his needs for exchanges and consumption that then make him again to his attentive body and, by his desires taken up, again ready to pursue the drawings. 167 - [The Pocket Book 6612, 511]

Françoise Dolto
(Loneliness)

#40023
There is bad depressive loneliness, and then there is a second time which is bad loneliness apparently aggressive by feeling persecution. Whoever else is supposed to reject us, while in depressive solitude it is oneself who does not find himself there and who asks someone else: "Tell me something so that I can exist".

Françoise Dolto
(Loneliness)

#40024
I think the child's interest is to talk about his drawings. If he doesn't show them, don't make a big deal out of them. But if the child comes to show her mother her drawings, let her not blithely say "He is very beautiful" without more. She has to tell him about what is represented in the story in there: "And again?... What's going on here? ... For example here? What's going on here? What is it? Oh, yes! Well, you see, I wouldn't have seen that." Let's talk about these drawings. This is what is interesting for the child, not that he is admired. The child whose drawings are admired may be inclined to repeat themselves to interest adults.

Françoise Dolto
(When the child appears, Volume 1)

#40031
It is this emotion of compassion (as the Samaritan was) that makes interpsychic communication between men. There is the assistance to the body that requires competence and is paid, and there is the emotion that makes human. When it runs out, it is because the service becomes an institution, or because the meeting is not unique, unusual, as in the parable, but becomes a habit, a "food work" or an exciting profession. The assisted, then, is no more than an object. There is no longer a human relationship.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40032
The project cannot replace the rite of passage but it may be possible to do without it.

Françoise Dolto
(The Cause of Adolescents)

#40033
the word "read" is a word that, for some children, awakens something totally taboo: it is the marital bed of the parents. At the time when the child is developing his prohibition of incest, the verb of the "bed" that appears to them to be the word "read" makes this word banned, and the activities surrounding reading are something that puts him in a very great trouble. Of course, schoolteachers don't know this and it has to be unconscious. It is the role of the psychoanalyst to discover this with the child, on the occasion of drawings

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#40034
Nothing in Christ's message contradicted Freudian discoveries.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospels and Faith at risk of psychoanalysis, or, The Life of Desire)

#40035
Remember, Mom, when I was a kid, I didn't want to believe I was me.

Françoise Dolto
(It's all language)

#40036
Reading the gospels . . . first produces a shock in my subjectivity, and then, in contact with these texts, I discover that Jesus teaches desire and leads to it. I discover that these texts of two thousand years are not at odds with the unconscious of men today.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40037
Our role as psychoanalysts is not to remain in our ivory tower, but to make the whole population, and especially the adults responsible for the training of young people, understand the help that psychoanalysis can provide for children in great intellectual, characteristic and social difficulties.

Françoise Dolto
(The difficulty of living)

#40038
When the girl or boy, for example, is obnoxious or impertinent with their mother, the father being present, it is up to the father to tell them: "I will not allow anyone in my house to be obnoxious and disrespectful with my wife." The mother must do the same when the son says critical and derogatory things about the father. It is important for parents to be able to speak in this way: if only to make the child feel that they respect each other and do not monitor each other. But it is also important to know that a child may seek to talk to his father or mother alone, under the guise of talking about the other; after an answer like the one I just said, it can work out very well. "Here we don't have so many opportunities to talk, if you told me about you?" etc. Or often, children don't know how to start the conversation and believe that it is by complaining about one that they will be listened to by the other. When they are, in fact, looking for a singular symposium.

Françoise Dolto
(When the child appears, Volume 1)

#40041
We need to let the baby know everything about him, what we are doing and what we will do for him in the immediate future or in the near future. While his bath is being run, you have to tell him, "I'm running your bath." All mothers know that.

Françoise Dolto
(The major stages of childhood)

#40043
The nubile teenager only becomes a matron if she is abused. She accessed her life as a woman through brutal violence. Young virgin yesterday, amphora woman the next day, opposing the thinness of the ephebe.

Françoise Dolto
(The Cause of Adolescents)

#40044
Both parents must want it, the child.

Françoise Dolto
(When the child appears: Tome 3)

#40045
Martine 14 years I hurt my skin, I feel terrible, zero, useless on this planet, I shame myself deep down. I reject any idea of independence, life scares me. It's as if this skin is no longer mine.

Françoise Dolto
(Teen Lyrics: Where the Lobster Complex)

#40046
After his mission was accomplished according to what was written, the doubt grips Christ with anguish, like every human being concerning his own faith, the certainty of his right, the truth of his desire and his accomplished work.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40047
Not everyone is born with the gifts of an educator, but everyone is a parent.

Françoise Dolto
(The Paths of Education)

#40048
R.N.D.: Today's families often have a unique child. How can this difficult situation be remedied for the young child? F.D.: There is no cure, because it is not a disease to be an only child. But what is certain is that the only child is different from other children. [...] In fact, the first real rival of the only child is the child that he himself will have after his marriage.

Françoise Dolto
(The major stages of childhood)

#40049
Moving from childhood to adulthood can be called a "mutation." It is as important as moving from the life of the fetus in the womb of the mother to the airy life of the infant.

Françoise Dolto
(Teen Lyrics: Where the Lobster Complex)

#40050
It was ba, be, bi, bo, drunk etc. I remember how difficult and disappointing these learning lessons were, and it took my full confidence in this woman, to admit that what she found good in our morning lesson was not the result of a disturbance of her mind.

Françoise Dolto
(School failure)

#40051
The only sin is not to risk yourself to live one's desire.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospels and Faith at risk of psychoanalysis, or, The Life of Desire)

#40052
Anyone who listens to children's response is a revolutionary spirit.

Françoise Dolto
(The cause of children)

#40053
The child always has the intuition of his story. If the truth is told to him, this truth builds it.

Françoise Dolto
(It's all language)

#40054
I believe that the young person, much more than words, expects action... What matters is the example of life.

Françoise Dolto
(The Cause of Adolescents)

#40055
The psychoanalytic method is primarily a method of clinical investigation. The object of his study is the life of the unconscious, that latent part of ourselves that underlies our psychic life. It is through the study of unconscious psychic facts that psychoanalysis can shed light on the seemingly inexplicable aspects of the behaviour of certain subjects or warn these subjects themselves of the unconscious motivations that lead them, against their will, into situations or emotional states opposed to those they desire.

Françoise Dolto
(The difficulty of living)

#40056
Finally, adolescence was seen both as an exile and as an initiation at the end of this exile.

Françoise Dolto
(The Cause of Adolescents)

#40057
The reasons, the motivations of a human-child being are, until the end of the Oedipal resolution, especially emotional and emotional reasons.

Françoise Dolto
(School failure)

#40058
Snow White is someone who works from morning to night.

Françoise Dolto
(When the child appears: Tome 3)

#40059
Anne 16 years Sexuality is a bit like growing up for me. This is the stage where her body becomes that of a woman and by the gesture of making love with a boy, one asserts himself. And then sexuality is also contraceptives, the fear of having a child without having wanted it even with love.

Françoise Dolto
(Teen Lyrics: Where the Lobster Complex)

#40060
I think it's a turning point in a child's life when he realizes the flaw in the "all-knowledge" of the adult that until then was absolutely unthinkable: parents know everything. They are "all-knowing" and "all-powerful."

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#40061
Dance is a language, and that language is not just a satisfaction of the body or melee, it is an art that transcends the body.

Françoise Dolto
(It's all language)

#40062
He puts his vigilance to sleep, he lets himself be captivated by the impulses of death that, in the unconscious, prevail over the impulses of life when, from his sexuality to the nubility, the young man or the girl dares not assume the desire that calls him, outside the family home, to become responsible; when a perverted sense of filial duty restrains anxious parents, evade abusively possessive or authoritarian relatives.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40063
[What is a myth?] It is a projection of the preverbal imaginations, of the feeling of living in one's body. When I say mythical, I say beyond the particular imagination of each; it is a meeting of all the imaginary on the same representation.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40064
Every human group takes its wealth in communication, mutual aid and solidarity aimed at a common goal: the development of each one with respect for differences.

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#40065
Children are the symptoms of parents.

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#40066
You should know that this is a sign of weakness on the part of the parents, of weakness of their self-control. So that's a bad example for the adult. An adult who speaks with abruptness and aggression, who acts violently and surrenders to characteristic explosions towards his child, should not be surprised, a few months or years later, to see this child speak and act the same with weaker than him. I repeat, for any young child, what the adult does is seen as "good", blindly if I dare say: and the child will imitate him sooner or later, both with regard to the adult himself and towards the other children.

Françoise Dolto
(When the child appears, Volume 1)

#40067
For it is necessary to know that a child must be damaged, he must. And this, because the child's play, up to four or five years, spoils. And this, because the child's play is not respecting things. If he is taught too early to respect what has been bought expensive, the furniture, the paper on the wall, it will prevent him from being "alive": a healthy child if he is gay and if the parents are not constantly alert: "What else is he going to do?".

Françoise Dolto
(When the child appears, Volume 1)

#40068
I have often been asked whether psychoanalysis can explain everything. For my part, I believe that she is there not to "explain everything", but to help those who have become bogged down in repetition by repressing their desires: to help them get out of the same furrow of the record of their lives, which is currently filming on the spot. She's here to get life back on track.

Françoise Dolto
(The difficulty of living)

#40069
Faith is a personal event in each person's personal history and not an atavism, a heredity, a prolonged indoctrination.

Françoise Dolto
(Faith at the risk of psychoanalysis)

#40070
This divorce and suffering is not useless, since you were born and you are a success of this couple.

Françoise Dolto
(When parents separate)

#40071
I have only one thing to say to politicians: It is from 0 to 6 years that the legislator should take the most care of the citizens.

Françoise Dolto
(The cause of children)

#40072
If love exists between two people, sexual harmony ensues.

Françoise Dolto
(Female sexuality - libido - eroticism - frigidity)

#40073
The importance of speech in children. The importance of stimulating language in our child.

Françoise Dolto
(It's all language)

#40074
When a mother is depressed, there is always a child in the family, the one who has the most vitality, who becomes unbearable. Looks like it's the poor man's electroshock. This is a way to prevent the mother from falling into depression. It feels like the child doesn't want to see someone who's depressed and makes a big deal out of it to make it live in there; otherwise, it wouldn't live long enough.

Françoise Dolto
(When the child appears, Volume 1)

#40075
I think we have to tell the children what's going to happen, without scaring them, but by showing them that we're with them: "I'll think of you." Kids need it. Or, "Here, I brought you a picture, or a subway ticket. When you get bored at school, you'll have it in your pocket. Dad gave you this subway ticket. You'll have more confidence already." Things like that. They need the presence of the parents. This environment is unusual. If they don't like their teacher, the question for the children is: Does she explain correctly?" Very often they say, "I don't like the mistress, but yes she explains very well." "Well, that's the main thing. A mistress is here to explain. For the rest, it's the mom who's there."

Françoise Dolto
(When the child appears, Volume 1)

#40076
If desire is always satisfied, it is the death of desire. Saying "No" offers an opportunity to verbalize the object of the refusal, provided that the child respects his right to make a scene. "I don't do what you want, you're right... And I think I'm right not to." A tension is then created, but from this tension arises a true relationship between this child who emits a desire and the adult who expresses his own, on the understanding that nothing is missing in the child, as to his vital needs. Two subjects that each support their desire.

Françoise Dolto
(The cause of children)

#40078
The problem with your divorce is not you, but your child and the age he is.

Françoise Dolto
(When parents separate)

#40079
Psychoanalysis for me was a philosophical exercise.

Françoise Dolto
(Self-portrait of a psychoanalyst, 1934-1988)

#40080
I come back to the question my brothers always asked me: "But why are you doing this? Why?". They didn't understand. "Because I feel it's good." I never had another answer.

Françoise Dolto
(Self-portrait of a psychoanalyst, 1934-1988)

#40082
By discovering the woman in me, and abdicating these inner male demands, the interest in the diplomas and the triumphs of exams disappears.

Françoise Dolto
(Correspondence, 1913-1938. Volume: 1)

#40083
Every human being has, by the very fact of his embodied existence, an image of the complementary man and woman; this image, he places it on the parents who raise it and it is because of this imaginary loan, to real people, that he will develop by identifying himself to them according to the possibilities his genetic heritage.

Françoise Dolto
(The difficulty of living)

#40084
The relationship with the mother is a language relationship that is part of the health or poor health in the child's body. Psychic and somatic are absolutely linked: it is a language inscribed in health or disease and is fantastically important before spoken language. The language spoken when it is right and tells the child what concerns him, it allows him to survive the trials. Otherwise, he is obliged to manifest the ordeal by the language of the soma, that is, by the disease.

Françoise Dolto
(Childhoods)

#40085
With Jesus there is a psychodrama where the word does all the castration work. It is not the body of Jesus on the body of the other,,speaking Elijah, it is the word, the verb, which is effective and delivers to desire its meaning and order.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40086
In the past, the concept of alienation, alienated, referred to beings who were dangerous, irresponsible or stupid. Currently, we discover that these alienated beings ... have a behavior that results from an adaptation of their unconscious to that of others. Vital and symbolic processes can lead to alienation that is a non-compliant adaptation of their desire to the code of all. Their behaviors mean something. These behaviours therefore have the value of language.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40087
The text of this parable [of the Good Samaritan] did not seem to me at all in accordance with the so-called Christian morality that had been drawn from it but indicative of an unconscious dynamic of solidarity between humans who misunderstve each other, ignore each other, as an internal cohesive dynamic revealed to each of us. It seemed to me that this lesson revealed to us an almost sacred articulation between love and freedom in terms of the relationship between individuals, and between the feeling of freedom and the feeling of loving for each of us in our psychic structure of desiring subject.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40088
... sadistic fantasies, it's not someone's nastiness, not at all, it's someone who has suffered - perhaps at the time of his birth or perhaps later - sufferings that have not been spoken, and who because of this is forced to relive them, developing later as a small scar that becomes very large, when the body develops. It's the same with these fantasies of aggression that someone has suffered, and then fantasizes in his life when he has not had the opportunity to do psychoanalysis.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40089
This is important for psychologists who receive so-called depressed people, and who say, "My life no longer makes sense..." Ask them, "But then, why do you survive? What makes you live because you say it's so sad to live?" It's very important to get them to talk about the sense of death they have, and that's how you'll help them get out, it's not at all by boosting people's morale. Raising morale is quite the opposite.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40092
There are families where everything related to sexuality is considered dirty or forbidden. We no longer know if we are a child of love or a child of the FAUTE.

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#40093
Psychoanalysis is about helping people become who they are.

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#40094
The time has come to promote other activities that are not necessarily the same type of hourly work that was regulated in the 19th century. He remains to design other ways to value competence, know-how, love of art, the sense of beautiful work, the taste of beautiful and good things.

Françoise Dolto
(The Cause of Adolescents)

#40095
What is also a pity is that it is above all a fantasy of perfection of love seen only in the physical and orgastic sense, when what a human being needs most is an evolution towards more humanization of his relationships. It is not in the search for the body, especially of his own, that he will find it, but in the loving relationship with the other.

Françoise Dolto
(Female sexuality - libido - eroticism - frigidity)

#40096
When a baby is not sleeping, it needs inter-psychic communication, sensory-motor exchanges, the rhythm of the mother's wear, his vocal language, gestures, mimics. He needs smiles, speech; everything questions them, any unexpected noise only makes sense by the parental presence that makes the child human all his unusual perceptions that make him cry, scream, call someone; that gives meaning to this inner and outer sensory richness awakened for him every time something hits his attention.

Françoise Dolto
(The difficulty of living)

#40097
Psychoanalysis teaches us that any act even harmful is in solidarity with a living whole and that, even regrettable an act or behavior that causes suffering can serve in a positive way for those who know how to learn from it. Alas, in each of us the feeling of guilt is fundamental, leading to inhibitions and barring access to the only liberating act, access to a true word that rehabilitates the total dynamic desire or perverseness to those who are able to hear it.

Françoise Dolto
(The difficulty of living)

#40098
Freud referred to the organizing mutation of the person as an Oedipal resolution as the result of overcoming these conflicts.

Françoise Dolto
(Female Libido)

#40099
It was he who wanted to come to life; he did not "fake", which proves that there was for him enough to live in this couple who apparently did not get along: he has, therefore, the responsibility of his life.

Françoise Dolto
(When parents separate)

#40100
Victim or dominatrix: Antiquity has magnified these two extremes of female power.

Françoise Dolto
(The Cause of Adolescents)

#40101
The child's intelligence is intuitive and observant.

Françoise Dolto
(The cause of children)

#40102
Hatred is one of the things we can hardly say; we live with unspeakable emotions that thus take part of our body image as a target instead of someone else.

Françoise Dolto
(The difficulty of living)

#40103
Abandonment is the fantasy of abandonment that has not been said.

Françoise Dolto
(The difficulty of living)

#40104
Death drives are the individual who is unrelated to the outside world: the subject dies of having no relationship. The body would live well, but it can no longer do anything, when it is too early in life, it can no longer live because it was not built complete.

Françoise Dolto
(The difficulty of living)

#40105
For a child everything is meaning language, what happens around him and that he observes.

Françoise Dolto
(It's all language)

#40106
You see I touch you: it's me, it's you.

Françoise Dolto
(When the child appears: Tome 3)

#40107
I owe it only to the analysis -and to you - which forced me in spite of myself to start a treatment that I did not want to do to have healed myself until I had built on false foundations the foundations of a lame home.

Françoise Dolto
(Correspondence, 1913-1938. Volume: 1)

#40108
There is nothing educational about what is called "national education." It is only an instructive one. Moreover, under the 3rd Republic, it was more modestly called "public instruction"! We wanted to replace the state with the Family by proclaiming: "Let's do national education." This education is appalling. If there is education, it is education to the power of the fittest. Which is anti-education.

Françoise Dolto
(The Cause of Adolescents)

#40110
I continue to be questioned all the time by everything and especially by children, their behavior which is always linguistic and that we must decode to understand what they want to tell us and at the same time by their real questions when in words they ask us that are always surprising and to which we have done too quickly when we answer "You're stupid, that's the way it is!" Of course not... Adults, we take things as if they were self-evident, but it's not self-evident at all.

Françoise Dolto
(Childhoods)

#40111
Wasn't the duty of this child, in the eyes of the crowd, to devote himself to his mother, for its usefulness to her? It had to be his old age stick. It is to his freedom as a man that this male voice, lucid, calm and firm, awakened him. Jesus awakens in the child of a dead father the future man, and with man he awakens him to his progeny, to his fruitful destiny. In death he snatches it from the call he heard from his father. This father whose voice had resonated in his ears in his early childhood was his ideal self. By death, when he left his mother, he was going to find his father.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40112
What an outrageous advice for us human parents, attached by all the fibers of our hearts to our children, and them to us: let them take risks that anguish us. And, for them, to hurt, and lead to disapproval of their parents! A child knows that it is with father and mother that he has known love and safety. Well, these values of life, he will go and get them not from his parents but from Jesus. Who these days would dare tell their child?

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40113
It is from a break from the area of influence of the parental generation that freedom arises in the invention of the Desire of the generation of sons and daughters.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40114
To say that we must welcome the Kingdom of God as a small child is to say, "Leave your father and mother." It makes the same sense.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40115
The active sleeps - the man is active in his genital creative show. The passive is awake and listening - the woman is passive in her genital receptivity. It is perhaps an example to ponder regarding the conscious and unconscious availability that does not speak, that listens to God.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40116
[Regarding the announcement of the Immaculate Conception] We are far [...] from all the stories of parturition and coitus. Here is described a mode of relationship to the symbolic phallus, that is to say to the fundamental lack of each being. These gospels describe that the other, in a couple, never fills his spouse, that always there is a tear, a lack, an impossible encounter, and not a relationship of possession, of phallocracy, of dependence.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40117
I'm not speaking to you on behalf of everyone, I'm speaking to you on my behalf. It is something that I feel very strongly, that we have to earn our death, by living our lives to the fullest.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40118
Maybe it's a recipe for the depressed, failed suicide. (Laughter.)

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40119
The facts are exciting, I think there are not enough of them in the newspapers anymore. There may be, but unfortunately I don't read enough of these newspapers, and when I read them, it's when I'm in the country, where you hear various facts or you read them in the little cabbage leaves.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40120
What children are looking for all the time is the unknown that they don't know yet, and that's why they play with death, and let them play with death. This is special for boys, more than girls; girls play with life and boys with death, but it's exactly the same.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40121
Before you were born, you were afraid of being born, but, you know, you were born. Before we die, it's the same thing: we may all be afraid of dying, but it's like when we were afraid before we were born, and then everything was transformed afterwards.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40122
... if we have suffered from a bereavement, it is part of the history of the family and of those who will be born after, it belongs to them because this death that lived is part of the living, symbolic wealth of the family, and it is not a question of leaving him as a small one because his body was small, if it was a young child when he died. Say, say, "Your older brother, " and never give the name of that dead child to another.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40123
... "As long as there is life, there is hope," as the saying goes, and that is absolutely true. But the hope of what? Hope to communicate with others!

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40124
It seems that death is not feared at all, since for the unconscious it does not exist, and we fear only suffering, decrepitude and also the separation of the beings we love.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40125
I have had testimonies from people who lost the four members in the bombings, and who remained men and women-truss; they have a totally sense of existence; they feel mutilated but they have absolutely nothing in them that has the impression of death, perhaps even on the contrary.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40126
It is the difference between one loneliness for oneself and another that is given to others.

Françoise Dolto
(Loneliness)

#40127
François is four years old, he took the scissors and cut the curtain. The damage is done, perhaps irreparable.

Françoise Dolto
(The Paths of Education)

#40128
The important thing is to stay in touch with others and, from the moment one tells someone what his infirmity is, there is a treasure trove of overcompensation to remain subject, instead of being carnal individual, more and more object of others.

Françoise Dolto
(It's all language)

#40129
They were very gay before the war, and even before my sister died. Afterwards, a kind of extinguisher fell on the house. It's been very, very hard.

Françoise Dolto
(Childhoods)

#40130
I say that I have spoken to the two boys and that, indeed, the absence of the father is very embarrassing for them.

Françoise Dolto
(The Dominique case)

#40131
So, right now, the mother and father who heard this question have to answer the truth.

Françoise Dolto
(When the child appears to be)

#40132
Analysis kills suffering.

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#40133
It is a scandal for adults that the human being in the state of childhood is his equal.

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#40134
The human being is not an object to conform to the desire of others.

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#40135
The human being who creates his loneliness needs to be told: Yes I love you unhappy.

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#40136
Tobacco and alcohol support action while drugs discourage. The little desire that remains, the hidden desire, the buried desire is even more mute... Drugs make you regress to the "gavé infant." She efferinates boys and defeminizes girls.

Françoise Dolto
(The Cause of Adolescents)

#40137
In the encounter of the sexes the emotions must be exchanged in an emotional mediation expressed in words so that erotic games become between partners a language of human love, and not just stereotypical or acrobatic copulation figures, with a desired hygienic effect and a possible fertilizing effect.

Françoise Dolto
(Female sexuality - libido - eroticism - frigidity)

#40138
Everything else is the value of orgasm occurring in the union of two people bound to each other by the bond of love. The coitus are then symbolic of the reciprocal gift of their attentive presence to each other, and of their sensible existence by each other. The ephemeral imaginary power that they promise themselves and give each other, in the reality of their body, to access the phallus, focuses the sense of their desire, that is to say of their whole being. The fruit for the woman of a complete vaginal and utero-annexial orgasm experienced on the occasion of coitus is threefold: the appeasement of all tension, the nirvanic bliss, and each time the conviction of happiness never before experienced. She feels a grateful outfaith for her partner, whose entire person, the only human witness of his existence during the fault of time and consciousness of her orgasm, perhaps then justifies her "slit", without him unjustifiable; the person of his lover is associated with his feeling and his feeling of renovation.

Françoise Dolto
(Female sexuality - libido - eroticism - frigidity)

#40139
It is here, often, that male masochism is played out in a complicated way, in the fact that it must refuse to a mothering regression, when it would often be tempting and above all necessary for the restoration of the fragmentation to which it is much more subject in its fantasies than girls. They're quiet, it's over. There is nothing left to cut. Indeed, the castrating fragmentation, the boy actually risks him in the melee of combat. He risks it in an imaginary way in the erectile fantasies of sexual conquests, since they are always followed by penile flexivity. He also risks it symbolically through his name, in the extramarital actions of his wife, which may taint his name, in the failures of his male siblings that bear his name, his progeny that bears his name. As for his rapprochement with his father, as soon as he drafts it physically and not fantasically, or culturally through symbolic mediation, he can be dominated by the affects that flow from what he projects on the father, the jealousy of his success, the inadequacy of his value compared to that of his father. And when he is in a state of inferiority, for whatever reason, and approaches to be a little mothered by this father, an introductory fear is always there, that of regressing, of becoming a baby; or, if the father is a very strong and verbdated man, the boy is afraid to tell him his weaknesses, for fear of being ridiculed.

Françoise Dolto
(Female sexuality - libido - eroticism - frigidity)

#40140
The boy's narcissism is caught up in the need to defend the erectility of his strong and skilful body, skilful, formidable, while the girl who has accepted his sex seems to fear nothing, except to be assaulted by who does not like him. Also, it develops very well avoidance, prudence, economy, sense of conservation. The camouflage of his treasures too.

Françoise Dolto
(Female sexuality - libido - eroticism - frigidity)

#40141
Curiously, now that women drive as much as men, girls like to have a small car among their motley objects, but they do not play small car as boys do, who engage in games to come and go, to make their little cars come and go, to make them meet; they identify with the strongest, while she heals her own body, as a sign of being the preferred object of man.

Françoise Dolto
(Female sexuality - libido - eroticism - frigidity)

#40142
The desire to interest phallus bearers, men, is shown by identifying the mother in household care, when the mother is a good housewife, and identifying her body with an object adorned with signs that make her look at her by boys, or at least they imagine her. The knots in the hair, even now where it is no longer fashionable. The necklaces, the bracelets, and she is full of ingenuity to make herself all these sharpeners which are overcompensations of the absence of her penis, but which also prove the centripetal dynamics of attracting to oneself the eyes and attention of men.

Françoise Dolto
(Female sexuality - libido - eroticism - frigidity)

#40143
What adults need to remember is that sex for the child does not yet exist; these are voluptuous erotic regions and, which is specifically erotic going unnoticed to both the child and the adults, these are emotions felt in the vulva for the girl, and the vagina perhaps, and for the boy of erectile emotions of his penis. The phallic phase is therefore urethral. On the little boy's penis, the first time she sees him, every girl wants to rush and say, "That's mine, give it to me, I want it." It also causes hilarity in the boy, and a spite in the girl, to see that the boy does not feel offended. Immediately, it's the mother's return: "Why don't I have that like him?" This is where the mother's word can turn the daughter's aesthetic and ethical sense through righteous words that identify her body with her own. And, in the corollary, the boy's body to the father's body.

Françoise Dolto
(Female sexuality - libido - eroticism - frigidity)

#40144
In the experience I had, during the visits of young girls in disarray, these were always the results of sexual relations that had no meaning for them, at a time when they had been caught up in the mockery of their comrades and boys at their reluctance to give themselves, when they had no desire or love. Finally, they let themselves be made not to look stupid, and also because young girls run the fear of being frigid. However, of course, they put themselves in the conditions of becoming so, if they give themselves without any meaning, neither ethical nor aesthetic, nor symbolic, for them at the moment they give themselves.

Françoise Dolto
(Female sexuality - libido - eroticism - frigidity)

#40145
In the event that the first coitus has been a success or, at the very least, a half-success of pleasure and a success of increased affection and mutual trust between the two partners, it is likely that the sexual evolution of the woman will be towards more and more complete orgasms, until obtaining the orgasm utero-annexial. As long as she has not been recognized by a good man, beautiful in his nudity and desirable, the girl remains therefore narcissistically devoid of genital aesthetic value.

Françoise Dolto
(Female sexuality - libido - eroticism - frigidity)

#40146
From a narcissistic point of view, the first coitus can be a huge success, as it can be, on the contrary, a catastrophic failure. And it depends only on man, if there is one; but, in most cases, it is often even more immature than the woman. It will be a huge success, if the man knows how to be grateful for the intention to donate this body that has been made to him, if he supports the pride of the girl in her promotion as a woman; but the event, for him, is generally erotically gratifying, and if it has not been narcissistically confirmed by his partner's admiring verbalization of his power or the beauty of his sex, he feels dispossessed by the pride of his partner, made a woman at the expense of his reassuming castration.

Françoise Dolto
(Female sexuality - libido - eroticism - frigidity)

#40147
Indeed, people who go to psychotherapy because they suffer know consciously what. They talk about this suffering. But this habit they have of suffering, they hold on to it without their knowledge, they do not want to leave it. They would like to leave it and at the same time they do not want it, because that is the way it is: to live is to suffer. But too much is too much. They then come to therapy because this suffering is inhibiting them and preventing them from developing. Unfortunately, they want to do it, and all the work is to put into words all that they hold dear, so that it is out of date, that they no longer need it, and that the desire is renewed towards a whole other direction enjoying suffering. That's what psychotherapy is all about. Psychoanalysis is more complex, since we are not aiming for a cure, we are not aiming for something known. In psychoanalysis, one goes back the history of one's body-heart or mind-language. It's all language.

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#40148
Excerpts from the book: "The Child, the Judge and the Psychoanalyst"; interview between F. Dolto and A. Ruffo; Gallimard; 1999. page 11 (preface): the judge: "On that day, Françoise Dolto spoke to us with the assurance given to her by her long clinical experience as a psychoanalyst, her respect for children" page 33: the judge: "... what I mean is that it often happens with children of twelve, thirteen years, that we are told: "This child has behavioural problems", because he has experienced incest, because he was rejected, because he was despised. But I refuse to grant him protection for his troubles." F. Dolto: "But you are quite right because the important thing is: since he survived, what was enough to get his foot in it? If a person is truly traumatized, he falls ill; if a being has no place to live, he does not continue." page34: F. Dolto: "If the children knew that the law forbids sensual privileges between adults and children, well, from the moment an adult asks him, if he accepts, it is because he is complicit, he does not have to complain. but he may have, without complaining, to say: "but it hurt me very much.-Yes. Why did you let yourself be done because you knew it wasn't allowed..." From the moment the child is aware, very young of the law, he is complicit and we can help him much better." judge: "I understand very well. At that point, he is not given a victim role." page 53: The judge: "Yes. Children feel so guilty! It is giving them permission to grow up to tell them that they are not responsible for their parents." F. Dolto: "They are responsible for letting the parents commit an act that demeans them in their relationship with their children." page 81: The judge: "But when the father denies and the mother is complicit, the mother refuses or is unable to protect her child, and he must be removed from the family environment, what happens to this relationship with the father?" F. Dolto: "It depends on each child, and I think it will depend on the maturing relationship he will meet with the family in which he will be placed, or with the educator with whom he can speak and who can make him understand that the excitement in which his father was, perhaps without having sought it, the child was complicit. Because I believe that these children are more or less complicit in what is happening... We'll have to tell them very early... that they have a duty to evade this so that their parents remain parents to them..." page 83: F. Dolto: "Children fabulate a lot, yes, it's true. you mean: are they fabulating about the assaults they are subjected to?" the judge: "Yes, for example, a child says, "Dad did this or that with me." F. Dolto: "Yes, precisely, and children would not be able to do so if they had been informed before." And then why did you let it happen when you knew you shouldn't, why did you let him do it? Your role as a child was to prevent it." page 87: F. Dolto: "... children must be warned, warned, warned of their role, of their co-responsibility, of their complicity: "Well, you knew, so why did you do it? Well, now you'll tell your father or grandfather that it's forbidden, that you've told me about it and that it's over now between you." judge: "And is it useful for children that there should be a social judgment, that the child be declared a victim?" "No, it's very difficult because it marks him for life. If it happens behind closed doors, between the child and the parents, it is much better. It's a shame what happened. Now it has to be over and it's not a whole story. These are things that happen in the office of the psychiatrist or doctor who keeps him in secret in secret. He works with parents for this slippage in their imaginary life. It's always on medication or under alcohol that things happened." page 88: The judge: And what do you do as a children's judge?" F.Dolto: "We warn the child: "It won't happen again, without it you will be complicit." judge: "What do we do with it?" F. Dolto: "Well, the father will say the same thing: "You have to know that when you're intoxicated, you don't know what you're doing. Your child will have to keep you within the limits, and ma'am, too. Protect your child. It is the future, it is your offspring that is at stake." judge: "But we're going to rest the question. You know, sometimes in front of us, we have people telling us: "This time it's my daughter, but I was like that, you know the judge. And my mother, she was also abused." And we go back like this, from generation to generation."

Françoise Dolto
(Source inconnue)

#40154
The development of sexuality is underpinned, according to psychoanalysis, entirely by the existence and structure of libido.

Françoise Dolto
(Female Libido)

#40155
Unlike successful heroes, there are losers who may discourage the next generation.

Françoise Dolto
(The cause of children)

#40156
-The fact that Freud was Jewish, does it matter to you? -Yes, but above all that he has denied being. It was because he said "No, I'm not!" that he was able to discover psychoanalysis.

Françoise Dolto
(Self-portrait of a psychoanalyst, 1934-1988)

#40162
And this is the truth of Christ that comes to pile up reality. I am imagining, I am complying with a social process, and suddenly this is the reality that bursts, in reality, this is an absolutely surprising, unexpected, unusual word.

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40163
When Jesus said, "Woman, what is between you and me?" I had always heard gloating, "Why woman, do you mind my own business?" but it means to me: "Woman, what is suddenly in me? What is this extraordinary resonance to your words? »

Françoise Dolto
(The Gospel at risk of psychoanalysis, Volume 1)

#40167
... we know that the unconscious does not know death, the unconscious does not know depression. What then is depression? It is a regression to manipulate someone else, even within ourselves, someone introjected in us, who is there to manipulate us, to brush our navel, or to suck our thumb - which is another way to masturbate, less regressive than to make believe that we have an umbilical cord that we will wake up, or that will articulate us.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40168
... each of us will know when he's done living. [...] ... It's true. What happens in each of us, this struggle to survive, in which everything is worn out of what are the forces of our body, and then, perhaps, we touch the Real that we cannot know in a body, in time and in space. It is affordable by art, whatever this art: music, painting, architecture, dance. It is affordable in moments of extraordinary grace, where one experiences something of the order of beauty, of an unknowable discovery in our usual flesh. I think that it is in this order, the Real, that I wish you all to discover after a life well over, and helped to the end to be able to talk to those around us the day when we think we will talk about it, and when we will have, in fact, the pleasure of having an interlocutor who will want to talk about it.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40169
... What is quite upsetting is the deaths that seem premature to us. So the royal word to answer to the children is: "We only die when we finish living", it looks like a lapalissade, but I assure you that this lapalissade, which is of truth, is a truth that totally reassures children who go through the moment of anxiety of death.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40170
It is obvious that by speaking out, by putting words on our uncertainties, our unknowns, and our anxieties, we support each other on this strange planet where we have been willing to embody ourselves - we do not know why, neither me nor you. I am convinced, for my part, that this makes sense, and this sense, we can only find it by talking with each other, and that by helping us, who are perhaps the butterflies of a species, the blood cells of a blood - we do not know from whom, of what - but we have to die after having lived fully until the last moment. It is this to live, with this limit that gives meaning to life, and without which life would have no meaning. That is what we have to say to the children.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

#40171
Our organism itself is made up of quantities of small living beings that go to death, funny and joyfully: I'm talking about our white blood cells and our red blood cells. Perhaps we are the white blood cells of a species, whereas we think we are very important people; and every red blood cell and every white blood cell may also be mistaken for someone very important.

Françoise Dolto
(Talking about death)

Seth Messenger : Françoise Dolto's quotes

Françoise Dolto said :